Tag Archives for Divine Presence

days of repentance: 18 Elul

“the month of Elul, a time of t’shuvah, a time of healthy tears”

This is the Ari’s comment on the nature of the month of Elul. healthy tears are life restoring, and that is something to remember on this chai day, for traditionally it is on this day that we begin to examine our failings more analytically, dipping into memory to recall our wrongs in time, month by month.

today begins the last 12 days of Elul, conveniently corresponding to the months of the year. and as you would then guess, today we reflect on our shortcomings and errors of Tishrei of the year now passing. indeed, we look again to the wrongs in our way from last Rosh haShanah on! so if you remember wondering the rabbi’s sermon would end more than you remember the message…..well, this is a good day to rectify that and reintegrate your ability to learn from every jew every day into your spiritual walk……

but wait…didn’t we finish with last RH on last YK? well, think about it. what is judged on Rosh haShanah? the walk we have walked in the year previous to that Rosh haShanah. and what judgment is sealed on Yom Kippur? the judgment from Rosh haShanah that just passed that year, so the judgment for your way between RH last and forward is yet to come….and this is another reason to remember that t’shuvah is not a one and done affair, but a continuous way.  hei vav hei…not hei and then just vav.

“bring us back to You, haShem, and we shall return to You”

ends a conversational debate between the Creator and the People recorded in midrash (Lamentations 5:21). G’d tells us to return, we say that it requires the power only G’d G’dself has! and guess what? we are right. let’s turn again to the letters of haShem: hei is the letter representing t’shuvah, the letter with a narrow escape route into the future, and the vav is the extent of G’d’s expression from “above” Creation all the way through it to the Creational level in which we walk–it is the representation of the straight line between the Holy One and us.  we’ve said already that hei brackets the vav…there is t’shuvah on either side of the axis between heaven and earth. to understand the midrash, we can just turn to the hei vav hei. the first hei is our own earthly impetus to return as we recognize G’d, and the second hei, the one after the reach down from heaven, as it were, is the G’d-empowered return.

“haShem is my light and my redemption…whom shall i fear?

haShem is the strength of my life…whom shall i dread?

yes, Psalm 27 yet again, chevrei. but it gives us another important way to look at the hei vav hei way of looking at t’shuvah. haShem as light source is 1 hei; haShem as strength source is the other. Chazal teach G’d is revealed before every transgression as a light to us (are we looking?), and after a transgression haShem is revealed to us as our source of strength for return. it is the “strength of my life” that we count on in the next 12 days to finish the work of rectifying a year’s worth of trudging cheit and aveirah. but i know also that this is the time of embracing and being embraced by beloved G’d

“may His left hand [gevurah] be under my head

and Her right hand [chesed] embrace me”

now do you see why R’ Akiva insisted on including Shir haShirim (Song of Songs) in the “canon”?

ketiva v’chatima tovah

 

days of repentance:12 Elul

“and I was in the exile”

and so he was…Ezekiel was amongst the babylonian exiles, so this phrase can be read simply and literally. but the greater lesson for t’shuvah is gleaned when we read “I” as “ego”, or even self. read it as, “my consciousness was in the exile”, and you will see another aspect of t’shuvah. the reintegration within yourself and then also with haShem. R’ Kook phrases it as: “restoring the human being to being human”, which naturally means reintegration with G’d.

physical exile is dreadful….never to be undersestimated. but we are all of us more immediately acquainted with the exile that is estrangement from oneself, and from one’s community. so many jews these days are exiled from their home community, dispersed amongst the communities of nonjews without a hook to any jewish institution. and all of us to some degree seem to be exiled from ourselves…or at least from our better selves.

when we say that t’shuvah can also be understood/read as tashuv hei, or return of the lower hei of the Unpronounceable Name–the hei that extends into Creation following the vav–we probably should understand not only what the ba’al hatanya wanted us to understand…that we are to return the hei to haShem in Elul…but that the way we return the hei to G’d is to restore it to ourselves! it is, after all, clearly a spark of Divinity, and as every kabbalist knows, our very business on the planet is to restore Divine sparks to their Source, removing them from the klipot, the husks, that conceal their light.

“the soul of man is the candle of G’d, searching all the inward parts”

if we just let the Divine spark within burn radiantly, according to Proverbs 20:27, that spark is restored to being the tool with which G’d G’dself assists us in our self examination. t’shuvah movement toward G’d on our part returns us to our inward parts, and what do we find? well, if we are attuned to it, we will find the Presence of the Holy One bringing the search of ‘elul’ to our deepest recesses, our soul flickering against the walls of ourselves.

repentance doesn’t really cover the enormity of t’shuvah. not all of the work is a putting aside of chet and aveirah. it is also a removing the exile from within us….a reintegration of our parts and understandings.  t’shuvah is a homecoming within us and to our soul’s Source. and that is why every person’s t’shuvah is unique. it must fit our ego. it must be born of the spark we each have been granted. and it must be focused on our personal calling and mission in the world.

we speak often of tikkun olam, the repair of the world, thinking of it as action in the larger world. and so it is. but let none of us forget that there is internal tikkun to be done….and please, please don’t forget that   recognition and restoration of the Presence within ourselves is itself a tikkun for the rest of the world! restoration of the Presence anywhere in the world, including within us, is restoration throughout the world. how?  consider Sanhedrin 23a (jerusalem talmud) or 37a (babylonian talmud)….

“whoever preserves a single soul, it is as if he had preserved a whole world” 

QED. social action will never be enough. repair, return, revolution is individual. it is yours. your t’shuvah must be tailored to your walk with G’d. so what sort of practice hammers this home?  practice hishtavut, “equanimity”, or evenness of heart, soul and ego. do not let the judgments, or urgings, or insistence, or criticism of others alter your t’shuvah except as you yourself understand the words of others as well directed for your path. and remember that you are the only one, save G’d of course, who can clearly evaluate your focus on your individual mission. you need no accolades from the peanut gallery of the world at large….it is YOUR work, with G’d’s help.

days of repentance: 5 Elul

“it is forbidden to be old”

Reb Nachman did not mean in so teaching that one had to die young like marilyn monroe or james dean, let alone like hendrix and joplin, or cobain, tupac, and amy winehouse. you should live to be 120, means you really should live for 120 years! so how do you do that if it is forbidden to be old?  not to grow old, mind you, but to be old.

“on the 5th of the month, as i was amidst the exile,

by the river kvar”

relates Ezekiel at the very beginning (1:1) of his prophetic teaching, and then the heavens opened and he saw visions of G’d. he saw the famous ‘chashmal’ (something glowing and electric) and the 4 manlike creatures, each with 4 faces and 4 wings, with a single straight leg and bulbous foot, sparkling like burnished copper. now that is quite an awakening to something indeed. but what was he awakened from?  from being smack dab in the middle of exile, and standing by a flowing river called kvar, meaning “already”.  Ezekiel was awakened out of the past, out of the attitude of  been there done that, out of the jaded,   ‘already’ way of habit. exile represents the ossified way, and breeds the cynicism of everything and everytime having existed and been known, done, thought, and felt, ‘already’. it is forbidden, taught Reb Nachman, to be ‘already’, for THAT is to be exiled from haShem. and to return, to do t’shuvah requires that you be in the moment, the now, and not the what has been.

let’s give one to the greeks, shall we?  heraclitus famously taught his student that “you can’t step twice into the same river”, to which patteios, his student, replied by teaching his teacher, ” you can’t step into the same river once”.  ah, youth. of course, the river can’t be the same if not yet even stepped in, hence you never get the quality of same….not even once. looked at from this perspective, nothing is ever ‘already’ or old….all is entirely fresh in every moment.

there is a you tube video of watching which i NEVER tire. it is of a baby who laughs deeply and again and again and again at the simple ripping of paper held out by (presumably) the father. each of them has absolute delight with each ripping. each is as wonderful as the last. each holds the same wonder….again and again and again. this is the principle of ‘koach ha-hitchadshut’ or the “power of ongoing renewal”. we pray every morning to

haMechadesh b’tuvo b’khol-yom tamid ma’aseh bereishit

(the Renewer of Creation’s Doings each day)

the ba’al t’shuvah, the master of returning to G’d, must learn to live in continuous renewal. in this sense we can understand the Sages when they teach us (Avot 4:17)

1 hour of t’shuvah and good deeds in this world is better than eternity in the world to come

the way of t’shuvah is to recognise that tashlich crumbs are carried off in the river of already, but where you will take your next step will never be the same…..not even once!

and the practice? old as the hills…simply mind your breath. exhale the spent what was, and inhale the new what is. it is never the same breath, but rather renewal of life with fresh G’d’given air. to say, “oh, it’s just breathing” is to be in exile from the power of renewal (koach ha-hitchadshut); it is to be standing by the river kvar (already). it is to be old! and THAT is forbidden. mind your breath when you wake, or when you walk to work from the train or the parking lot, or after you’ve just kissed your beloved. feel that return to holy renewal and be in the moment.

days of repentance: 4 Elul

“it is I, I myself come to comfort you”

so we will learn from the prophet Isaiah (51:12) in the upcoming 4th haftarah of comfort this coming Shabbat. my own practice is to begin saying full slichot prayers daily beginning on 3 Elul, yesterday, rather than Rosh Chodesh Elul, as is traditional for most sephardim. it is because of the number of days that elapse between the 3rd day and Rosh haShanah: 26. 26 reminds me of G’d’s personal comfort in the time of t’shuvah, for it is the simple gematria for the Name haShem, ie, the tetragramaton to the secular: yud is 10, heh is 5, vav is 6 and heh again is 5….26.  and the 4 letters of the name can teach us a fundamental practice for doing t’shuvah: to be completely in the moment. to do NOW…how do we know this from 26?

we learn that the 4 letters can permutated to create 3 words that cover the realm of time: ‘haya’ means “was”; ‘hoveh’ means “is”; ‘yihyeh’ means “will be”. the Infinite, logically, compromises past present future, but we learn that G’d has actually always expressed G’dself in the order of the letters in the Divine Name, ie,  ‘yod-hoveh’ (sounds like jehovah, yes?), which is the “‘yod’ of the is”….of the present moment….of the eternal “NOW”.

consider the letter yod itself. it is the smallest character of the alphabet, always hanging in the air….barely there, really. it is the first letter that begins to form when a scribe begins to write a Torah scroll….the rest of the letter grows into the bet of bereishit, but the letter itself begins as a yod (that never gets its short tail). this is the point of Creation. the beginning of time, before which nothing Created was, and after which nothing is yet known in the Creation. the letter yod is the moment of Creation, which is repeated in each moment, each of which is Created in a moment. it is the eternal present. the moment we should always be living in–indeed, is there any choice?–especially when doing t’shuvah. t’shuvah is the getting behind you of the wrong, and the gaining of the hope of future good action, but it is gained ONLY in the moment. every mitzvah can only be done in the particular moment that it presents itself and is taken up by a doer.

there is another method of gematria, the “full measure”  or “full value” method, in which the value of each letter is multiplied by itself, so the 4-letter Name tallies up as (10×10) + (5×5) + (6×6) + (5×5)….or 186. 186 is the simple gematria of the Name of G’d which is haMakom, ie, “the Place”, which takes care of the spatial aspect of the space-time continuum for us….haMakom, the Place, is wherever it is in the moment….the eternal “HERE”:

G’d is here and now

(always)

so the chant would be “where is G’d?”   HERE    ” and when is G’d here?”  NOW….

to turn (return) to G’d, you turn where you are in order to face where you are. and when do you turn? in the moment you are in. the first lesson of t’shuvah is to

be in the moment

and there is a jewish way of getting yourself into the moment. most of you know something about it…kavanah. kavanah is ‘intention’. it is usually a set of words that say 2 things….’i am here ‘(make like Avraham avinu)….and  ‘i am ready’

ready to do what? well, to walk with haShem.  before you turn on your computer in the morning (or just wake it up), try a simple kavanah with the intention to insert the Divine into that moment…..”here i am, haShem, ready to do the mitzvah of my work by starting my machine, grateful for the opportunity, and mindful of Your Presence.”

not so hard, right. find your own moments of import in your day and bring a kavanah to the doing of each. make this an “established” habit and you are on your way to living more fully in every moment….cheek to jowl with where G’d is and just in time!

ketiva vachatima tova

haYom chamisha v’arba’im yom, sh’heim shisha shavuot u’sh’losha yomim, laOmer: tiferet she b’malchut

“when you pray, direct

your eyes toward the earth & your heart toward the heavens”

we learn this from Yevamot 105b, which goes on to explain that G’d’s Presence dwells everywhere, no less in the earthly realm than in the heavenly one. and this also reflects the position of tiferet in the sefirotic tree, for it is the central sefirah, the most interconnected one, receiving directly from every sefirah except malchut.

so it is eyes earthward for seeking out, perhaps, as the heart is not a hunter. though the Presence of G’d is everywhere, the hiddenness of G’d keeps the sense of exile alive. and the longing of the heart for reunification is a very important driver of tikkun olam. we repair the world for our own sake as well…..

tiferet in malchut is making harmony sovereign, giving compassion dominion over your life.

this year, in preparation for rosh chodesh sivan (which always corresponds with tiferet in malchut), the month of the giving of Torah, we had a broadly observable ring eclipse, in which the moon takes momentary primacy over the sun, creating a spectacular alignment light show in the heavens. but we also had interinclusion of the symbol of Shechinah/feminine/malchut in the moon in the symbol of  haKodesh Baruch Hu/masculine/tiferet in the sun. even the temporary celelstial symbolism of this yichud (‘oneness’ or ‘unification’) gives us the beauty of tiferet all round.

“the earth is full of G’d’s glory”

time and space in harmony this year for our counting of the Omer. baruch haShem. and it is no accident that this statemen of glory comes in the line that is the essence of the kedushah prayer in our liturgy….all angels encircling the Divine Presence, each angel calling out to each other,  with a bow casting eyes earthward, before lifting up eyes and all with “kadosh, kadosh, kadosh”. again and again and again.

tiferet in malchut….the realm of harmonious beauty all round.

mussar for tiferet she b’malchut

with another….bein adam l’chaveiro    when we say the kedushah in prayer, all are equal, none of the differences of philosophy, approach, custom, even appearance that otherwise enter into everyday life matter a jot. all are as one, lifting on toes, uttering simply: “holy, holy, holy, G’d of hosts, full is the earth of Your Glory”.  there are times when we accept each other without a thought. find more such.

with yourself….bein adam l’atzmo    the moon is always lovely, the sun always brilliant….yet neither ever does a thing to beautify itself….it is simply there.  do you comport yourself in a way that reflects harmony, balance and beauty? in a way that reflects the Divine Presence i nthe world as you walk in it? consider how you might be a better representative of the Way. start not with your clothing or your hair or your tie…start with doing justice and loving kindness…..the markers of blended tiferet…give them dominion in your realm.

kabbalah for tiferet she b’malchut

in assiyah….the world of doing/completion    yesterday on the streets of chicago, while the NATO summit was going full on, protesters pushed and police shoved. balance was begun to be struck. by late in the day, reports of protesters accepting and police accepting compromise positions reached the world press. we even heard stories about the protesters and police joking together and sort of hanging out. if these strongly opposing sides can strike up even fleeting moments of harmony, what holds the rest of us back in our relationships with family, with friends, with neighbors…..with strangers? contemplate how you can remain open to harmony even in oppositional situations.

in yetzirah….the world of feeling/formation    our  emotions are key in being open to balance and harmony. most of us are not yet masters of equanimity, not yet calm regardless of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. meditate on how the love expressed in the Shechinah, the Divine Presence in malchut, can flow into the other emotions in your toolset. can you make compassion for all formative today?

in b’riyah….the world of thought/creation    balance and harmony of spirit should extend not only to other humans, but to all of Creation. but working to retain/restore the environment, or to achieve world peace, or to stop needless war will take more than emotional change. it requires careful thought, examination and observation, planning and mobilization on a very large scale. this is an intellectual exercise as well. consider what specific steps you will next take to bring harmonious, compassionate, beautiful interactions to the larger world.

in atzilut….the world of nearness to G’d/intuition    we recognise beauty in the  celestial mechanics of the moon and sun. why? for the religious, such moments are of apprehension of the Divine Presence. meditate on  how we can be of fully present of mind in such moments, not only to exist in them, but to remember the contextualizing blessings that are part of the response of our tradition. it is the blessing that brings the single moment into the following ordinary time.

kinyan 45 of 48 ways to acquire Torah

Lomed al M’nat Laasot….Learning in Order to Practice.  the more we learn, the more we know. and to know, know, know G’d is to love, love, love G’d. among the most potent ways to know G’d is to study Torah tirelessly and to put into practice what we learn….that is, to live Torah is to love G’d….consider Psalm 50:

“You spoke….out of Zion, beauty’s perfection…You shone forth…arriving, breaking the silence. a fire before You with a cloud….calling

out of the heavens above and the earth below

for proving Your People….”